do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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