Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
