if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
