OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
