Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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