I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
