This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
