whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
