I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
