I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
