My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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