Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
