I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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