my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
