My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
