I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
