a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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