I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
