She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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