Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
