I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
