a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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