Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
