i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
