the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
