Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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