There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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