how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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