If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
