just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
