I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
