hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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