i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
