Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
