i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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