Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
