I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
