Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
