You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
