Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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