She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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