he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
