My brain says no but my pants say off.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
