I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
