Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
