Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
