Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
