we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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