Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Randomize
