when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
