They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
