I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In other news, I just burned my penis
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
