dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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