Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
