Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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