apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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